3:40am
3:40am
It’s 340am… quiet, moon out, cold outside, street lights on… kitties in the bed and the couch, reading controversies and disagreements on this and that, separating separating, calling names, I’m better than you, she is better than you, we are better than them… what is this human who is birthed from other humans to suddenly speak the same language, have a similar gait, follows the same religion, maybe even has a mate similar to the one ones parents chose or was chosen for….
the looming question is who are we if we are not our opinions or thoughts or attitudes or proclivities… we are meat and bones and consciousness and habits and tastes and preferences and most if not many of us don’t want to sit still long enough to possibly have an original thought enter our head…. and we vote, we fear for our children, we eat animals, I cry when I see humans brutalizing a sheep or calf or chicken on their way to slaughter… I find these days that I grieve often… someone made a mistake, I got off the wrong train, what happened here, why is their sci-fi so I can imagine another space, another time, another realm? Who is this god or goddess who is running this show? And now I leave the world of thought and fear and walk outside at 330 am and feel full of magic such an odd word to convey mystery with shadows and silent sounds and most people are asleep at least from this vantage point… and it will all be repeated again and again with other skin colors with other languages with other politics and preferences and other temperature regions… and here we are listening to the grieving of children activists bemoaning that we adults helped build a system that is destroying the planet…. can I feel that deep inside that somehow in a myriad of ways I’m contributing, I buy things I don’t need, I rely on things I don’t need, I vote for someone who will make it all right somehow somewhere… I have my warm clothes on, I can read and type on my iPad now getting closer to four am…
it’s quiet, I hear the teeny roar of heat warming my person and others in the house…and when I’m feeling unconnected or lost or where are my new friends in this new land I long to be with friends who knew me, who know me who have a story about me and these new people don’t know me… it’s not that exciting and then something comes along and says we could interview you about laughing and entheogens and suddenly I’m ok…. I’m ok…. no more long face and feelings of alienation… ahh the nation of aliens… I feel ok… wow I actually feel fucking fantastic and then the thought appears how many people are feeling what I had been feeling earlier of disconnection feel that all the time… and my heart goes out to them because I know it’s deeper than mine… and I can sit here in a warm living room with sleeping kitties in a couch nearby or in a bed all cozy with my mate soft asleep… and my heart goes out to those who are suffering and I hope I’m doing the best I can to make peace each day, do what needs to be done, pass on another news feed that makes me feel fucking grand to be alive and allow that hope to dance all around me even when the critics come out with their guns to annihilate me….
I will sit as still as I can in this quietness in this peace ignoring for the moment all the violence it took to get me this moment of peace and spread some love and care wherever I can…. thanks for reading if you have read this far… let me know your deeper thoughts, your deeper feelings, your practice of sharing compassion, your process, your meditation practices, your fantasy of being able to give more to your friends and family… in gratitude….
